My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
