Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
