Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
