does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
