Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
