champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
