We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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