Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
