My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
