I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
