There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
