You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Couch. On fire.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
