i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
