wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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