our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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