Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
