Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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