Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
