Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
