Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
