He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
