Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
