i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
