i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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