Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
