i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
