can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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