Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
