that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
smell my finger.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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