Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
