My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
