I cannot find my penis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
