Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
