I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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