You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
