we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
