I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
