What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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