I hate your face
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
