you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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