Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
