So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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