I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
