Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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