the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So much Jack, so little girl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's shark week go big or go home
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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