We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He shit in the fireplace
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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