Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
