he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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