So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
