Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
