Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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